Nov 30 2008
Emotional Mom on the Loose
It’s amazing how fast the days go by. Thanksgiving is over, Black Friday is over, and now there’s Chirstmas to look forward to. It’s been a busy and wonderful weekend so I can’t really complain too much. There have been times this weekend that threw me for an emotional loop but I got past them with part of my sanity left. Everything is just so overwhelming at times. Cooking, cleaning, decorating for the holidays, thinking about all the presents that need to be bought and the money that isn’t there to buy them, kids screaming, adults fussing, it just really is too much to handle at times. I felt myself feeling all alone in my little house with all these chores to do, everyone to take care of, so much depending on me to make it all run smoothly. I try really hard not to complain and the one time I express how tired I am I get a look from my fiance and kids that tells me they have absolutely no idea what I go through in a days time just to make sure they have everything they need to get through their day! I struggled with those emotions over and over again this weekend, as I know many women have once in their lifetime, and then this morning I recieved an email from a dear friend whom I haven’t spoken to in a long time. This email made me look at things differently and really gave me the pick up I needed. I can’t express to her how perfect the timing was and how glad I am to have read this email. If you are by chance reading this then thank you for sending this email in a time where I needed it the most. For all the moms out there that are feeling ignored or unappreciated as I have been over the past few days then I want to share with you the email from my dear friend that helped me to smile again today.
Invisible Mother……
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.
Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’ Obviously, not.
No one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I’m invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’
I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going; she’s going; she is gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself.
I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe .
I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription:
‘To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
- No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
- These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
- They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
- The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.’ And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’ I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place.
It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.’
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, ‘you’re going to love it there.’
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM!
